What happened??

What happened? I have been in a bit of denial lately. I believe this finally snapped me out of it.
My baby boy just turned one.... actually he turned one at the end of last month. Now with my other children I have thrown a big birthday party, inviting family and friends making the cakes myself etc. With Bubbo's birthday approaching I think I was trying to ignore it.
I was going to have a family birthday party when everything the world began conspiring against me. My poor mother in law fell a couple days before the birthday celebration. She broke her hip and ended up in the hospital. She had to have surgery and will be out for weeks. Approximately the same time I received a phone call from my mother telling me my Grandmother had passed unexpectedly in the night. Sadly she lives on the other side of the country and tickets were around $650 round trip. There is no way I could afford to fly my family of 5 out there for the funeral. And my option of leaving my children with my in laws so I could go alone was not available. So I helped my parents get ready for their trip and dropped them off at the airport.
Considering that my parents were gone, my husbands parents were tied up and I was dealing with the loss of my grandmother.... Celebrating my sons birthday was pushed to the way side. Emotionally I don't think it bothered me too much... I was not ready to admit that my baby had turned one. When did he grow up? I look at pictures of him as a baby and wondered how he changed so quickly in front of my eyes without me seeing how much he has grown. Within days of his 1st birthday he decided to prove how much he was growing up by taking he first steps.
Days passed and I began to realize that the dreams of the big first birthday party I had imagined for him was just not going to happen. So I finally admitted I had failed as super mom (at least go round) and in a snap decision while planning the 4th of July (Note when I say the planning..it was only an hour before my parents plane landed so about 4:00pm on the 4th of July)... I was at the store and in utter defeat purchased a sad walmart birthday cake and a smaller cake for him to have for his own. The baby boys birthday party consisted of his immediate family, My parents and my brother and his wife. We sang happy birthday and he had his first cake which despite it being thrown together with a pathetic excuse for a cake turned out just as fun as it would have been . Because of the last minute planning we went without presents. At least he got to see fireworks for the very first time.
So there it is the sad excuse for a birthday party. The most I can hope is that he will never remember and perhaps I can make it up next year.

In the end... I feel increadibly blessed that the baby boy is here and healthy. A year ago we were in the hospital with a baby boy... scared out of our minds. Unsure of the future, not knowing what was wrong and not knowing if he would make it. He did our Father in Heavan has blessed us and now a year later he is a wonderful Healthy baby boy. I can not imagine not having him here, part of our family, part of our life. He is amazing and I am grateful.